Been a long while. Lots going on.

Oh boy, I haven’t been on here in like forever! It’s been rough lately. Between my breakdown and trying to get my marriage back on track and a long distance move from everyone I know, life has definitely been hectic. Not to mention, this week I decided to message my rapist. AND HE ACTUALLY RESPONDED BACK! He’s such a liar! Ugh. Anyways, I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety (majorly), anger, crying, feeling violated, and wanting to throw up just thinking about what he said. I had so much anger that I replied back. I SO HOPE HE RESPONDS, but I doubt he will. There’s so much I wanna say to him. He only got a little of my anger.

Most don’t recommend contacting their assaulter, but I couldn’t not do it anymore. I think I was ready, just wasn’t prepared for the anxiety I would get back from a response. I really didn’t expect a response either. I guess everyone has to do what is best for them. And now that it is already done, now I can push through the anger.

Has anyone thought about contacting their rapist? or have they done it? How did it turn out for you? In the long run, did it help with your recovery? It’s only been 3 days since I sent my message, so it will be a while before I see how much help or harm it caused to my healing.

(THE NEXT POST WILL HAVE THE WHOLE CONVO… FOR THOSE CURIOUS)

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